Don’t Let Me Doubt

What is with these stupid thoughts in my mind? As I go through my daily readings… stupid things keep popping up. Distrustful, unfaithful things. A part of me, like Karma in Himalaya, wants to think that religion is old-fashioned. But I know that’s wrong. Gah. But I can’t seem to stop these thoughts. As I read the section in Matthew about Jesus healing a paralytic, my mind right off jumped to (in a less clear fashion) ‘there must be some kind of trick, coincidence, or medical explanation.’ Why? I believe in Jesus, I have my whole life. I develop complicated arguments to use at the lunch table but they don’t work on myself. And right after I read the you of little faith verse. Why am I so unbelieving, so quick to jump against the defining characteristic of my life. What am I doing wrong? What changes need to be made to my life? God, help me to not feel this way anymore. Even as I type this, my mind flirts on the border of disbelief. Help me, God, cause I’m no good at this, obviously, on my own. Please, I want to believe.

~ by Brandon on January 20, 2008.